Kian leant up against the white hospital wall. Over two hours had passed since he had kicked the bathroom door down and had found Mark, surrounded by blood.
His own hands and clothes were stained with Mark’s blood, transferred to him in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding…
Flashback
“Somebody call an ambulance!”
Kian ran over and collapsed on his knees beside Mark’s still form.
“No, Mark, NO!”
It didn’t take him long to find out where all the blood was coming from, soon as he went to shift Mark into a more comfortable looking position, he saw them.
Two thin slits on his wrists.
A piece of paper was on the ground next to Mark, and Kian picked it up with shaking hands and read it,
I’m sorry, this is the only way. Tell Kev. I’m sorry, and Mam and Dad that I love them.
“Oh my God, why Mark, why?” Nicky’s voice, coming from the bathroom door.
Kian glanced up, he hadn’t heard the other guys enter the bathroom.
“Ambulance is on the way, what the hell happened?”
Blinking back his tears, Kian clasped his hands around Mark’s wrists, doing he best to ignore the blood.
“Someone grab me some towels.”
No one moved.
“NOW!”
Shane shook himself into action, and grabbed a couple of cream coloured towels off the bath rail and tossed them to Kian, who quickly wrapped them firmly around Mark’s wrists, stemming the flow of blood.
He heard his name again,
“Kian?”
It was Kevin, standing in the doorway, his face ashen.
“What,” he swallowed hard, “what happened?”
Kian could see the tears and the fear in Kevin’s eyes, and he felt a tear trickle down his own cheek.
“He tried to kill himself.”
Kevin looked horrified, and glanced down at Mark again, tears shining in his eyes.
Crossing the room, he knelt down and kissed Mark quickly on the head,
“I’m so sorry Mark,” He then turned and fled the room, unable to face the horrifying sight any longer.
Shane and Nicky exchanged confused looks, but now was not the time to start asking questions.
Leon glanced quickly back at Mark again, before running after Kevin, determined to get an explanation.
Holding the towels tightly to Mark’s wrists, Kian let the tears flow freely.
“Why Mark, I thought we had talked about it, why go and do something like this.”
He looked up as Shane and Nicky sat down next to him, waiting for the ambulance.
End flashback
“Kian!”
Kian shifted and opened his eyes, realising he must of fallen asleep. He glanced sleepily at the person who had woken him, it was Shane.
Kian forced a smile, “Hey mate, any news?”
Shane shook his head, “Still the same, although they started the blood transfusions just before. Trust our Marky to have an unusual blood type! And Marie and Oliver should be here soon as well, and I’ve rung Mam to tell her what happened….”
He trailed off, realising he was waffling.
“Please, Ki.”
Kian looked at him, puzzled, “What?”
“You obviously know what’s driven him to this, please, tell me why!”
Kian glanced away. He was torn, it was personal information, but Shane was also one of Mark’s best friends.
When he glanced back, Shane was looking at him, pleading with his eyes.
Biting his lip, Kian told him everything. Finding Mark looking at that website, his conversation with Mark, Mark’s feelings for Kevin and how scared and confused Mark was, how he thought this was wrong, and then finally, how only hours earlier, Kevin had kissed him, reading the signs wrong and how Mark had bolted, scared into a blind panic.
Shane sat and listened to everything, without interrupting, when Kian had finished, he let out a long, low sigh.
“I’m not surprised, really. Guess I already sorta knew, but damn Kevin, acting before thinking! If it wasn’t for him…”
Kian cut him off, “It’s not Kevin’s fault, he’s so comfortable with who he is, and just thought Mark would be too.”
“Yeah, but, still…” Shane shifted and looked a bit uncomfortable. It was clear that he blamed Kevin for what had happened.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Kian spoke,
“Are we allowed to see him?”
Shane nodded, “Normally, we wouldn’t be allowed, because he’s in intensive care, but being famous has its perks, I guess. C’mon, this way, Nix is sitting with him now.”
Kian followed Shane through a maze of corridors, until they reached the intensive care unit.
“He’s in room 269, which is right here,” Shane stopped, “you alright?”
Kian nodded and Shane opened the door.
Nicky glanced up as the door opened, and Shane entered, followed closely by Kian. He watched as Kian turned white as the sight of Mark laid out on the bed, wrists heavily bandaged. He was surrounded by machines, one monitoring his heart beat, another providing blood, and many more various, complex looking monitors.
Nicky motioned to the seats next to him, and Kian and Shane sat down. Together they sat, waited and prayed for Mark to pull through.
Two hours later
Through the fog and pain, Mark realised one thing,
He was still alive.
That wasn’t right, he wasn’t meant to have lived. He was a sinner, dirty, wrong. And what the hell was wrong with his wrists? The last few hours were blurry and he was uncertain of most details, but surely he should be dead!
The pressure and pain was unbelievable and he started to struggle, trying to shake off the foggy feeling and release the pressure on his wrists.
Kian jerked awake as one of the machines started to beep loudly, while Mark thrashed around the bed. Shane and Nicky had gone to talk to Louis, but Kian refused to leave, not wanting to leave Mark alone, so Nicky and Shane had left, promising that if they saw or heard from Kevin, they would let him know where Mark was.
Hitting the nurse call button, he tried to hold Mark down, to stop him from struggling, but even unconscious, Mark was still stronger than him.
The door burst open and a nurse bustled in,
“Oh dear, looks like someone is waking up, and isn’t too happy about it.”
She gave Kian a quick smile, and Kian found himself wondering how many times she had been faced with this.
“I’ll give him a sedative, keep him calm and asleep, at least until his parents get here. He might be happy to see them when he opens his eyes.”
Kian nodded dumbly and tried not to wince as the needle slid into Mark’s arm and less than a minute later, Mark became still again.
The nurse placed a gentle hand on his arm, “just talk to him as if he were awake love, he might be able to hear you.” She gave him one last smile, and left the room.
For the next half an hour Kian sat and talked random musings to Mark. A little bit of anything and everything, just something to keep his mind occupied.
A knock on the door startled him slightly, and Oliver’s head poked around the door. Quickly standing, Kian had only a small amount of time to move from Mark’s side, before Marie came bustling in.
She stopped dead at the sight of her son, laid out on the bed and still as anything, the bandages noticeable on his wrists.
As the tears trickled down her cheeks, Oliver appeared behind her, and held her close, soothing her softly. The moved and stood by his bed, taking his hand, kissing it gently.
Outside the hospital room, watching through a small window, Kevin felt the tears flow freely down his cheeks. Mark’s parents hadn’t noticed him when they had come hurrying down the hall, and he was glad.
He started to sing softly under his breath, one of Westlife’s own songs.
“It's where the stars line up
It's where the oceans touch
It's in a place you've never been that feels like home
It's in the air right now
It's where you give your all
And give a little more
I've never been so sure
That's where you find love”
“I love you Mark, and I’ll do anything for you.”
With that he turned and walked away, tears blurring his vision.